Its spring the suns out, the birds are singing their beautiful little songs, flowers are coming out hiding and I am in love. I meet a beautiful woman who for some reason or another is insane enough to like me, and in my love we hang together, go to restaurants, watch movies, and SHE MADE ME WATCH TWILIGHT. SHE MADE me WATCH SHE MADE ME WATCH (Sin City reference)
Its a story about a guy, and a girl falling in love. The biggest twist in the movie (using the word twist lightly) is that the guy is a vampire, and he has to protect the girl from a group of rival vampires. Its a very simple story, however because of all the hype Twilight gets, this simple story gets blown way out of proportion.
Many people love this movie, many people hate this movie people disagree regarding the quality of this movie simply because of how average it is. The most interesting thing about twilight is how strongly people feel about the movie. The movie itself isn't that remarkable.
The stories simplicity is a plus, because its more of a character driven drama than a movie with a set story to tell. The movie revolves around a girl liking a guy and letting nothing, including him wanting to physically eat her get in the way of that.
The characters are all one dimensional and that makes it easy for people who aren't all that interested in the movie to remember characters. Everyone was the physical or personality trait with the word guy, or girl at the end.
The imagery in the movie was this super bright fantasy small town. which was kind of unique not a lot of fantasy stories are told in modern small towns. Its either mid evil Europe, or some random endless forest. Although technically Twilight does have a random never ending forest.
The movie overall is very bland, and forgettable for people who aren't already Twilight fans. That's what I like most about the movie. It was a movie made for the fans of the book series. it wasn't a movie made to capitalize on a vampire craze. it wasn't made to chase some trend, it was a movie made for the fans. I'm a huge comic book fan, and I hate some movies inspired by comics that change much of the story for the movie. I can understand that some things have to be adapted to fit a different medium, but sometimes its like if you have changed this much about the story why not just change the characters names, call it a day.
Movies inspired by other mediums suffer from tweaking the process of changing characters and events to better fit with the new medium. The problem is that with too much tweaking your no longer adapting something from one medium to another your re-imagining the story of a whole, and luckily for twilight that isn't a problem at all. Their not re-imagining the twilight book their just telling the story as a movie. now the movie isn't that great because the book isn't that great. twilight is a faithful adaptation. if you didn't read or like the books Twilight the movie is a huge middle finger. screw you this isn't for you. Batman was made for everyone, Star Trek was re-imagined so that non Star Trek fans could like it. Twilight was the only franchise that could say screw you were not changing anything. I for one can respect that.
so time for the break down.
Did critics like it?
They were split. Rotten tomatoes had a perfect 50/50 split between critics who loved it and critics who hated it.
Did I like it?
No not really. I love the idea of Twilight a movie made for its fans, but as a movie Twilight just didn't have much that I found enjoyable.
Is it worth watching?
Yes. yup another one of those times in which I didn't like a movie, but you have to see it. yeah its unremarkable, but plenty of people feel quite strongly about this movie I say watch it see how you feel.
Twilight gets 3-5 stars. Its average what else needs to be said.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Bloodz Vs Wolvez review
Bloodz vs Wolvez.
Bloodz vs Wolvez is a low budget film about a gang of vampires having a never ending war with a gang of werewolves. with the leader of each gang trying to put, an end to the war with their underlings constantly undermining their authority with tragic results.
So lets break from the norm and do the break down a little early.
So Did Critics like the movie?
??? No idea. Much like Drop Down Dead no one on rotten tomatoes even took the time to review it. On the plus side however it is actually on the website. so since I couldn't find any professional reviews to contrast my review with I figured id contrast it with another blogger.
I choose Were-Wolf Movies.com Here's a link to their review http://www.werewolf-movies.com/movie.php?MovieID=36.
Their review pretty much says that the movie as a whole isn't that great, but they felt it had plenty of potential.
So Did they like it?
No. But they felt it could of been a good movie.
Did I like it?
No and I feel as if it could of been a good movie... If they replaced the story, the directing, and the cast.
So is it worth watching?
Yes. Strangely enough the movie manages to be so god awful that in all actuality its pretty entertaining to watch.
The best thing about the movie is just how bad the movie actually is. The editing is so poorly done, that fight scenes between vampires, and werewolves look like foxy boxing matches. It appears as if all of the actors were so terrified of being hit that the director allowed for Punches to be thrown a full feet away from its intended target, with the other actor still responding as if he was hit. watching scenes with that kind of ridiculousness is hilarious.
The worst part about the movie is essentially everything else. The movie lacks memorable characters, special effects, costumes that could allow people to clearly differentiate the vampires from the wolves,a lackluster story, and action sequences.
The movie in its entirety is awful so How do you enjoy it?
Here's a few tips.
tip 1. NEVER WATCH ALONE. Force this movie onto your friends. Make the DVD more regrettable to watch than the tape on the Ring. Make jokes about how bad the movie is, you'll have plenty of material.
tip 2. Don't watch the entire movie. I made the mistake of thinking maybe its gets better towards the end. No its the same movie, made by the same, people doing the same stuff. It only gets worse. Watch 30 min of the movie get a few laughs from how absurdly bad it is, and then cut it off. no point in watching the whole thing besides movie reviews and torture. However if you are curious about what happens following the first 30 minutes I say keep your hands glued to your fast forward button help yourself get through much of the dialog and onto the good parts.
Their are a few comedy scene stretched throughout this movie. and a few of them are intentionally funny look forward to them. Their easy to spot.
All in all I honestly had some fun with this movie. I watched it with a few close friends and, we spent our movie watching experience laughing and joking about what exactly was going on. I'm not sure if their is any other way to enjoy this movie. So I'm going to change things up a bit I'm going to double Rate this movie.
As a pure movie this movie only earns a 2-5.
As a entertainment source this movie earns 4-5 stars.
O god how its a bad movie, bad characters, bad plot, bad special effects, bad editing, but I watched this movie with some friends and we had a blast. I think you should definably try the movie out with a group of your friends, and see how you guys fare out. Leave comments about your experiences if you do.
Bloodz vs Wolvez is a low budget film about a gang of vampires having a never ending war with a gang of werewolves. with the leader of each gang trying to put, an end to the war with their underlings constantly undermining their authority with tragic results.
So lets break from the norm and do the break down a little early.
So Did Critics like the movie?
??? No idea. Much like Drop Down Dead no one on rotten tomatoes even took the time to review it. On the plus side however it is actually on the website. so since I couldn't find any professional reviews to contrast my review with I figured id contrast it with another blogger.
I choose Were-Wolf Movies.com Here's a link to their review http://www.werewolf-movies.com/movie.php?MovieID=36.
Their review pretty much says that the movie as a whole isn't that great, but they felt it had plenty of potential.
So Did they like it?
No. But they felt it could of been a good movie.
Did I like it?
No and I feel as if it could of been a good movie... If they replaced the story, the directing, and the cast.
So is it worth watching?
Yes. Strangely enough the movie manages to be so god awful that in all actuality its pretty entertaining to watch.
The best thing about the movie is just how bad the movie actually is. The editing is so poorly done, that fight scenes between vampires, and werewolves look like foxy boxing matches. It appears as if all of the actors were so terrified of being hit that the director allowed for Punches to be thrown a full feet away from its intended target, with the other actor still responding as if he was hit. watching scenes with that kind of ridiculousness is hilarious.
The worst part about the movie is essentially everything else. The movie lacks memorable characters, special effects, costumes that could allow people to clearly differentiate the vampires from the wolves,a lackluster story, and action sequences.
The movie in its entirety is awful so How do you enjoy it?
Here's a few tips.
tip 1. NEVER WATCH ALONE. Force this movie onto your friends. Make the DVD more regrettable to watch than the tape on the Ring. Make jokes about how bad the movie is, you'll have plenty of material.
tip 2. Don't watch the entire movie. I made the mistake of thinking maybe its gets better towards the end. No its the same movie, made by the same, people doing the same stuff. It only gets worse. Watch 30 min of the movie get a few laughs from how absurdly bad it is, and then cut it off. no point in watching the whole thing besides movie reviews and torture. However if you are curious about what happens following the first 30 minutes I say keep your hands glued to your fast forward button help yourself get through much of the dialog and onto the good parts.
Their are a few comedy scene stretched throughout this movie. and a few of them are intentionally funny look forward to them. Their easy to spot.
All in all I honestly had some fun with this movie. I watched it with a few close friends and, we spent our movie watching experience laughing and joking about what exactly was going on. I'm not sure if their is any other way to enjoy this movie. So I'm going to change things up a bit I'm going to double Rate this movie.
As a pure movie this movie only earns a 2-5.
As a entertainment source this movie earns 4-5 stars.
O god how its a bad movie, bad characters, bad plot, bad special effects, bad editing, but I watched this movie with some friends and we had a blast. I think you should definably try the movie out with a group of your friends, and see how you guys fare out. Leave comments about your experiences if you do.
My reactions to the Spiderman 4 reboot.
I loved the first two Spiderman films. Spiderman was one of my favorite super heroes growing up, so their was a special kind of excitement sitting in the theaters watching that first trailer. unsuspectingly seeing probably one of the best theatrical trailers ever made. I was so excited after seeing the trailer that my imagination took over, and I felt like I was back in grade school dreaming about the life of super hero's. May 3 could not come quick enough and seeing the first Spiderman in theaters is one of those movie moments that just doesn't come along frequently.
I was a little bit older when Spiderman two came out and I wasn't nearly as excited. Walking into that movie with no expectations lead to probably what could be described as the best moving going experience I had ever had up to that point. Not only did I get to see one of my childhood superheroes on the big screen, but I got to see one of my childhood superheroes in a great movie.
The hype created because of the quality of the first two movies, combined with pictures of venom prevented me from even giving Spiderman 3 a honest try. I saw the scene with Harry Osborn fighting Peter Parker, and could do nothing, but think about how cool that action scene as a whole was. I never actually got around to watching the movie until one day it was on HBO. Figuring that I had waited long enough I sat down, and watched it. It didn't blow me away.
Spider man 3 felt like a step down from the rest of the series, I could never figure out why their was such a stark quality difference. The series had these two amazing adventures that kind of built on top of each other then had this third one that wasn't much more than a generic superhero movie. The first two made me feel like the comics were leaping out of the panels, and onto the big screen. Spiderman 3 just didn't have that quality I didn't feel like a child watching one of my heroes, Spiderman 3 just felt like a movie. I believed Spiderman 3 suffered from being the last movie the writers and directors probably used all their best stuff for the first movies gave us what was left for Spiderman 3. like the first two movies took all the goodness that was available and spider man 3 was all they had left to work with.
Spiderman 3 was a letdown, although I do feel as though if their was another movie that could continue the story, the series could be redeemed. I was still curious to what would happen next to this incarnation of peter Parker. Really wanted to see killer croc, and if spider man would ever go up against the kingpin. in all three movies we see Spiderman take down a lot of criminals, and I really wanted to see spider man up against organized crime. Spiderman 4 could have been the sequel that revitalized the series gave it a much needed spark.
Sadly however Spiderman 4 will not be made. Sam Raimi, and Toby Mequire have backed out of making the movie claiming that they could not create a quality movie with the release date that Sony studios were trying to force on them. Sony's only recourse with the Spiderman license at that point was to do a reboot. Reboots are normally when a studio re-imagines an already made movie. Most of the time reboots don't quite capture the essence of the original, and spend so much time retelling the same story that the experience overall suffers. However their are a few exceptions including the Batman, and Incredible Hulk franchises.
its a shame that this spider man series had to end. This series started when I was a child, stayed with me through my teenage years, and disappointed me as an adult. I wish that we could of had more time together, but I understand that all things occur within its time, and now is the time for a new spider. so rest in peace Sam Raimi's Spiderman and hello reboot. with any hope it wont just be a rehash of one of the greatest super hero films of all time... or on second though maybe that wouldn't be that bad of a thing.
I was a little bit older when Spiderman two came out and I wasn't nearly as excited. Walking into that movie with no expectations lead to probably what could be described as the best moving going experience I had ever had up to that point. Not only did I get to see one of my childhood superheroes on the big screen, but I got to see one of my childhood superheroes in a great movie.
The hype created because of the quality of the first two movies, combined with pictures of venom prevented me from even giving Spiderman 3 a honest try. I saw the scene with Harry Osborn fighting Peter Parker, and could do nothing, but think about how cool that action scene as a whole was. I never actually got around to watching the movie until one day it was on HBO. Figuring that I had waited long enough I sat down, and watched it. It didn't blow me away.
Spider man 3 felt like a step down from the rest of the series, I could never figure out why their was such a stark quality difference. The series had these two amazing adventures that kind of built on top of each other then had this third one that wasn't much more than a generic superhero movie. The first two made me feel like the comics were leaping out of the panels, and onto the big screen. Spiderman 3 just didn't have that quality I didn't feel like a child watching one of my heroes, Spiderman 3 just felt like a movie. I believed Spiderman 3 suffered from being the last movie the writers and directors probably used all their best stuff for the first movies gave us what was left for Spiderman 3. like the first two movies took all the goodness that was available and spider man 3 was all they had left to work with.
Spiderman 3 was a letdown, although I do feel as though if their was another movie that could continue the story, the series could be redeemed. I was still curious to what would happen next to this incarnation of peter Parker. Really wanted to see killer croc, and if spider man would ever go up against the kingpin. in all three movies we see Spiderman take down a lot of criminals, and I really wanted to see spider man up against organized crime. Spiderman 4 could have been the sequel that revitalized the series gave it a much needed spark.
Sadly however Spiderman 4 will not be made. Sam Raimi, and Toby Mequire have backed out of making the movie claiming that they could not create a quality movie with the release date that Sony studios were trying to force on them. Sony's only recourse with the Spiderman license at that point was to do a reboot. Reboots are normally when a studio re-imagines an already made movie. Most of the time reboots don't quite capture the essence of the original, and spend so much time retelling the same story that the experience overall suffers. However their are a few exceptions including the Batman, and Incredible Hulk franchises.
its a shame that this spider man series had to end. This series started when I was a child, stayed with me through my teenage years, and disappointed me as an adult. I wish that we could of had more time together, but I understand that all things occur within its time, and now is the time for a new spider. so rest in peace Sam Raimi's Spiderman and hello reboot. with any hope it wont just be a rehash of one of the greatest super hero films of all time... or on second though maybe that wouldn't be that bad of a thing.
Drop Down Dead
Drop Down Dead is unique because even though My father has the DVD of the movie, and I spent a full 90 minutes suffering through it Google has no Idea of what it is. Im trying to do this new thing in which I take a look at the movies previews, its wiki page, and reviews rotten tomatoes so I can have something to compare my experience wit, but I guess I have to go through this one alone.
Drop Down Dead was a slasher film made for people who wanted to see people die in unique ways. That's honestly all the movie has to offer. The story revolves around this girl who works at a diner, and her trying to survive the night with this deranged serial killer that the local police have been completely inept at catching.
The character that the movie revolves around isn't all that interesting, and personally I feel that's a plus. She works a boring job, isn't especially intelligent,isn't the nicest person in the world, and doesn't appear to have that many viable skills. which makes the character seem more real. She is an every girl of sorts because she doesn't have any alienating skills its easier to connect with the character. However this also makes her completely unequipped to handle the situation that she is thrust-ed into because of the killer. She spend most of the movie asking stupid questions, making stupid decisions, and screaming. if would have been really interesting to see the perspectives of the people who constantly have to save her rather than view the events through her eyes.
The Antagonist is probably the entertaining character of the whole movie. he is completely over the top, the actor who plays him overacts, and the catchphrases he uses while he kills people should be on T-Shirts. Every scene with our antagonist is overdone, immensely stupid, and a tad bit Corney. Which makes his character the most entertaining character in the whole movie.
The remaining characters are pointless stereotypical characters that are systematically killed off by our antagonist. you rarely get to actually see people die, but I think that adds to the movie. Gives the movie a bit of imagination when all you see is the after effects of a kill instead of witnessing the actual murder take place.
The movies best scenes are the scenes with our antagonist so if for whatever reason someone you know actually has a copy of Drop Down Dead look out for these scenes.
One really good scene is right at the beginning when the killer is attacking this woman. He is so ineffective at capturing and killing her its hysterical. However he does eventually gets his hands on her and he proceeds to say some of the silliest lines of dialog uttered by a killer in movie history. almost explains why they never let Jason and Micheal say anything.
Further into the movie after our main character gets off from work a homeless man asks her for money, and they tries to assault her. She luckily enough is faster than the homeless man, but with him closely behind her she has to out smart him. How does she do that? she runs into an alleyway with one entrance and One exit and hides behind a dumpster. Somehow the homeless man who was just a few seconds behind her figures she didn't really run in the alley and gives up chase. The entirety of that chase is hysterical. from how the actors run, to the look on the homeless mans face as he gives up. all of it is priceless.
The first time our protagonist meets the killer is quite enjoyable with his inability to properly capture a person and kill them is shown again. in these one on one encounters the killer comes off as incompetent, almost as if deep deep down he really doesn't want to kill anyone.
Overall the movie is stupid. The story is bland, and the characters are used for nothing more than a means to an end. However that end usually means some detailed death trap that they find themselves into. I say if you can find it watch it. Drop down dead has plenty of Enjoyment within it.
so here's another break down.
Did critics think it was good?
No Idea. (I would guess no)
Do I think its good?
No. But its watchable.
Is it worth watching?
YUP. if not for the badly acted main antagonist you could at least watch it for the badly acted main antagonist. (that's a joke) Yeah the only redeeming thing about the movie is the bad guy, and all the deaths. so if your not into creepy dudes, and dead people maybe this just isn't the movie for you.
So all in all I give this movie a 3-5.
Not the greatest movie in the world, but definably enjoyable in some aspects.
Drop Down Dead was a slasher film made for people who wanted to see people die in unique ways. That's honestly all the movie has to offer. The story revolves around this girl who works at a diner, and her trying to survive the night with this deranged serial killer that the local police have been completely inept at catching.
The character that the movie revolves around isn't all that interesting, and personally I feel that's a plus. She works a boring job, isn't especially intelligent,isn't the nicest person in the world, and doesn't appear to have that many viable skills. which makes the character seem more real. She is an every girl of sorts because she doesn't have any alienating skills its easier to connect with the character. However this also makes her completely unequipped to handle the situation that she is thrust-ed into because of the killer. She spend most of the movie asking stupid questions, making stupid decisions, and screaming. if would have been really interesting to see the perspectives of the people who constantly have to save her rather than view the events through her eyes.
The Antagonist is probably the entertaining character of the whole movie. he is completely over the top, the actor who plays him overacts, and the catchphrases he uses while he kills people should be on T-Shirts. Every scene with our antagonist is overdone, immensely stupid, and a tad bit Corney. Which makes his character the most entertaining character in the whole movie.
The remaining characters are pointless stereotypical characters that are systematically killed off by our antagonist. you rarely get to actually see people die, but I think that adds to the movie. Gives the movie a bit of imagination when all you see is the after effects of a kill instead of witnessing the actual murder take place.
The movies best scenes are the scenes with our antagonist so if for whatever reason someone you know actually has a copy of Drop Down Dead look out for these scenes.
One really good scene is right at the beginning when the killer is attacking this woman. He is so ineffective at capturing and killing her its hysterical. However he does eventually gets his hands on her and he proceeds to say some of the silliest lines of dialog uttered by a killer in movie history. almost explains why they never let Jason and Micheal say anything.
Further into the movie after our main character gets off from work a homeless man asks her for money, and they tries to assault her. She luckily enough is faster than the homeless man, but with him closely behind her she has to out smart him. How does she do that? she runs into an alleyway with one entrance and One exit and hides behind a dumpster. Somehow the homeless man who was just a few seconds behind her figures she didn't really run in the alley and gives up chase. The entirety of that chase is hysterical. from how the actors run, to the look on the homeless mans face as he gives up. all of it is priceless.
The first time our protagonist meets the killer is quite enjoyable with his inability to properly capture a person and kill them is shown again. in these one on one encounters the killer comes off as incompetent, almost as if deep deep down he really doesn't want to kill anyone.
Overall the movie is stupid. The story is bland, and the characters are used for nothing more than a means to an end. However that end usually means some detailed death trap that they find themselves into. I say if you can find it watch it. Drop down dead has plenty of Enjoyment within it.
so here's another break down.
Did critics think it was good?
No Idea. (I would guess no)
Do I think its good?
No. But its watchable.
Is it worth watching?
YUP. if not for the badly acted main antagonist you could at least watch it for the badly acted main antagonist. (that's a joke) Yeah the only redeeming thing about the movie is the bad guy, and all the deaths. so if your not into creepy dudes, and dead people maybe this just isn't the movie for you.
So all in all I give this movie a 3-5.
Not the greatest movie in the world, but definably enjoyable in some aspects.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The Ninja Turtles 3 review
Ninja turtles 3 is an absolutely shameful excuse for a movie, its mere creation proves that studios believe that children will enjoy anything and sadly their right. I remember growing up as a child and never finding any fault with this movie it had the turtles, they fought things, and it was kind of funny in that close one eye and blink a lot kind of way. So why was it so great when I was younger and so terrible now? Because When I was younger I think I was still running off of that natural high. To enjoy this movie today I would require a needle, a dark alley and a whole lot of happy juice.
The things that are bad with Ninja turtles 3 are abundant, and I really shouldn’t waste my time trying to list them all… But I will list my top 3 complaints with this movie.
1. Thiers no story. Most movies have these things called story development, plot, interesting characters, memorable scenes, this movie just has jokes. Bad jokes at that “Help Im a turtle and I can’t get up” See wasn’t that annoying? Imagine in the middle of my review I just “I think I just swallowed a frog, Hope it wasn’t an ancestor” started putting up quotes from the movie. Imagine if I attempted to list all of the awful awful jokes that this movie forces onto its viewers. However Im getting away from my point “Wet willy time” The story of this movie revolves around April purchasing the turtles pointless gifts while she was at the dump, and one of the gifts being a mystical magical relic that can transport anyone through time as long as the person in the past is also holding the relic and has a similar body mass as the person holding it during the present. Why that was at the dump? Doesn’t matter. Why it didn’t put her in the past while she was at the dump? Doesn’t matter. How come it only transports people back and forth from the year 1992 to futile Japan? Doesn’t matter. How in the world are their 4 warriors who all have similar mass and weight to four mutant turtles all holding the time relic in the past roughly around the same time that April was sent into the past… again That doesn’t matter. This movie sounds like a story that a three year old made up while board waiting for his family to get their yet. The entire movie is just filled with these it doesn’t matter style coincidences, where people are all just in the same location at the same time with no real explanation as to how these unlikely events unfolded. The movie just kind of flails and kicks around until it gets to its conclusion in which happiness ensues to all who had to suffer through it.
2. My second complaint is the lack of violence. Now yeah I know movies are not all about explosions, car chases, and girls in bikinis, but those things don’t hurt movies. Quite honestly if done correctly can save certain movies from being complete bore fests. Not only did this movie have none of those but it only hosted 3 miserable fight scenes in which two of the turtles never even use their weapons, and one turtle is completely Missing In Action. Growing up I loved the ninja turtles for many reasons… Growing up I loved the ninja turtles for one reason, they were turtles with ninja training meaning nobody could bully’em nobody could mess’em up and for a kid who got bullied frequently I loved seeing the bad guys get their tails kicked. That is just not what you get with this movie. It’s an action film that isn’t aware of what it is.
3. My final complaint lies within the puppets themselves. They just look weird and idk why. All four of the turtles and splinter just look old beat up and slightly demented. I always use to watch the cartoon like how could you run scared of those things they just saved your life, but immediately after seeing the puppets in that movie I understood. Four giant mutant turtles can look horrifying. Its like they took the suits that were in the last two movies ran them over a dump truck, took a huge dump on em and said bigger and better. Just to complain about the actual puppet suits would be too lenient because the animatronics suck terribly. I could honestly put that movie on mute at any scene when the turtles are talking and replace the audio and it wouldn’t matter at all. The mouths move worse than if you were to make a sock puppet. Whoever got paid for that animatronics work is the best hustler in the world, they were truly getting paid for doing nothing. They were better off not having the turtles move their mouths and making up some bull line about how ninja turtles are physic because at certain points not only do the jokes get annoying but it becomes so distracting in how their mouths don’t even attempt to move to match the words to the bad joke.
Ninja turtles 3 is a horrible horrible crapfest of a movie and if you have to suffer through it because you have kids, a weird ninja turtle fanboy as a friend, or a slightly slow room mate here’s how you sit through it.
The movie becomes slightly entertaining if you watch it with the mindset that it’s a series of short YouTube clips. You can think up of whatever theme you like that helps the humor in your head. Mine was pretending that I was watching the ninja turtle version of America’s funniest home videos. I made up fake voices and everything made watching that movie a blast. In the same afv style you could pretend that you’re watching a 89 minute blooper real that should help with the boredom of the movie.
The movie does have some truly funny scenes.
At the beginning of the movie following the pointless chase scene theirs this pointless turtle dance scene, and its hilarious to sit back and watch how little U have to know about ninjistue to perform any of those moves. Matter fact you truly don’t even have to be in shape to pull off half of the things that those turtles do. If you have the movie on DVD every once and a while pause it during this scene and see if anyone in the room can imitate the actions on screen. It’s disturbing how close you can actually get.
Listen to Donatello he is the one that says the most amount of the stupid jokes, but he is also supposed to be the intelligent turtle. All he does through the course of the movie is say a random assortment of intelligent sounded words without actually saying a freaking thing it’s absolutely astounding.
Finally one last scene that should be enough enjoyment to make you not want to murder whomever forced you to watch it is the scene where Michelangelo attempts to rescue a little boy from a burning building. The entirety of this scene is failure. First theirs no explainable way how the flames would not have burned both of them, but that’s from a movie perspective just watch the scene in slow motion. Michelangelo uses the boys head as a battering ram to break open the door, the boys leg is still on fire, and the dummy looks all but lifeless and the turtle pretty much manhandles him. After that he hands the child to his sister and says he’s going to be ok, then a mere seconds later she says the boy has no life in him. Michelangelo was so pumped after rescuing the kid from a burning building that he neglected to even check if the kid was alive. Great hero work mikey great.
All in all ninja turtles 3 is a bad movie I know that U probably new that before reading this but it has a lot of actually entertaining moments; A few intentional, but for the most part accidental. Some movies are just great popcorn flicks. U sit back with a few friends you watch joke around until it’s over and ninja turtles 3 is one of those kinds of movies. You can enjoy it with your kids you can enjoy it with your friends and because this movie has just that smidge of entertainment value I think this movie deserves a 3-5. Watch it, have fun with it, cut it off.
The things that are bad with Ninja turtles 3 are abundant, and I really shouldn’t waste my time trying to list them all… But I will list my top 3 complaints with this movie.
1. Thiers no story. Most movies have these things called story development, plot, interesting characters, memorable scenes, this movie just has jokes. Bad jokes at that “Help Im a turtle and I can’t get up” See wasn’t that annoying? Imagine in the middle of my review I just “I think I just swallowed a frog, Hope it wasn’t an ancestor” started putting up quotes from the movie. Imagine if I attempted to list all of the awful awful jokes that this movie forces onto its viewers. However Im getting away from my point “Wet willy time” The story of this movie revolves around April purchasing the turtles pointless gifts while she was at the dump, and one of the gifts being a mystical magical relic that can transport anyone through time as long as the person in the past is also holding the relic and has a similar body mass as the person holding it during the present. Why that was at the dump? Doesn’t matter. Why it didn’t put her in the past while she was at the dump? Doesn’t matter. How come it only transports people back and forth from the year 1992 to futile Japan? Doesn’t matter. How in the world are their 4 warriors who all have similar mass and weight to four mutant turtles all holding the time relic in the past roughly around the same time that April was sent into the past… again That doesn’t matter. This movie sounds like a story that a three year old made up while board waiting for his family to get their yet. The entire movie is just filled with these it doesn’t matter style coincidences, where people are all just in the same location at the same time with no real explanation as to how these unlikely events unfolded. The movie just kind of flails and kicks around until it gets to its conclusion in which happiness ensues to all who had to suffer through it.
2. My second complaint is the lack of violence. Now yeah I know movies are not all about explosions, car chases, and girls in bikinis, but those things don’t hurt movies. Quite honestly if done correctly can save certain movies from being complete bore fests. Not only did this movie have none of those but it only hosted 3 miserable fight scenes in which two of the turtles never even use their weapons, and one turtle is completely Missing In Action. Growing up I loved the ninja turtles for many reasons… Growing up I loved the ninja turtles for one reason, they were turtles with ninja training meaning nobody could bully’em nobody could mess’em up and for a kid who got bullied frequently I loved seeing the bad guys get their tails kicked. That is just not what you get with this movie. It’s an action film that isn’t aware of what it is.
3. My final complaint lies within the puppets themselves. They just look weird and idk why. All four of the turtles and splinter just look old beat up and slightly demented. I always use to watch the cartoon like how could you run scared of those things they just saved your life, but immediately after seeing the puppets in that movie I understood. Four giant mutant turtles can look horrifying. Its like they took the suits that were in the last two movies ran them over a dump truck, took a huge dump on em and said bigger and better. Just to complain about the actual puppet suits would be too lenient because the animatronics suck terribly. I could honestly put that movie on mute at any scene when the turtles are talking and replace the audio and it wouldn’t matter at all. The mouths move worse than if you were to make a sock puppet. Whoever got paid for that animatronics work is the best hustler in the world, they were truly getting paid for doing nothing. They were better off not having the turtles move their mouths and making up some bull line about how ninja turtles are physic because at certain points not only do the jokes get annoying but it becomes so distracting in how their mouths don’t even attempt to move to match the words to the bad joke.
Ninja turtles 3 is a horrible horrible crapfest of a movie and if you have to suffer through it because you have kids, a weird ninja turtle fanboy as a friend, or a slightly slow room mate here’s how you sit through it.
The movie becomes slightly entertaining if you watch it with the mindset that it’s a series of short YouTube clips. You can think up of whatever theme you like that helps the humor in your head. Mine was pretending that I was watching the ninja turtle version of America’s funniest home videos. I made up fake voices and everything made watching that movie a blast. In the same afv style you could pretend that you’re watching a 89 minute blooper real that should help with the boredom of the movie.
The movie does have some truly funny scenes.
At the beginning of the movie following the pointless chase scene theirs this pointless turtle dance scene, and its hilarious to sit back and watch how little U have to know about ninjistue to perform any of those moves. Matter fact you truly don’t even have to be in shape to pull off half of the things that those turtles do. If you have the movie on DVD every once and a while pause it during this scene and see if anyone in the room can imitate the actions on screen. It’s disturbing how close you can actually get.
Listen to Donatello he is the one that says the most amount of the stupid jokes, but he is also supposed to be the intelligent turtle. All he does through the course of the movie is say a random assortment of intelligent sounded words without actually saying a freaking thing it’s absolutely astounding.
Finally one last scene that should be enough enjoyment to make you not want to murder whomever forced you to watch it is the scene where Michelangelo attempts to rescue a little boy from a burning building. The entirety of this scene is failure. First theirs no explainable way how the flames would not have burned both of them, but that’s from a movie perspective just watch the scene in slow motion. Michelangelo uses the boys head as a battering ram to break open the door, the boys leg is still on fire, and the dummy looks all but lifeless and the turtle pretty much manhandles him. After that he hands the child to his sister and says he’s going to be ok, then a mere seconds later she says the boy has no life in him. Michelangelo was so pumped after rescuing the kid from a burning building that he neglected to even check if the kid was alive. Great hero work mikey great.
All in all ninja turtles 3 is a bad movie I know that U probably new that before reading this but it has a lot of actually entertaining moments; A few intentional, but for the most part accidental. Some movies are just great popcorn flicks. U sit back with a few friends you watch joke around until it’s over and ninja turtles 3 is one of those kinds of movies. You can enjoy it with your kids you can enjoy it with your friends and because this movie has just that smidge of entertainment value I think this movie deserves a 3-5. Watch it, have fun with it, cut it off.
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