The Ninja Turtles 3 review

Ninja turtles 3 is an absolutely shameful excuse for a movie, its mere creation proves that studios believe that children will enjoy anything and sadly their right. I remember growing up as a child and never finding any fault with this movie it had the turtles, they fought things, and it was kind of funny in that close one eye and blink a lot kind of way. So why was it so great when I was younger and so terrible now? Because When I was younger I think I was still running off of that natural high. To enjoy this movie today I would require a needle, a dark alley and a whole lot of happy juice.

The things that are bad with Ninja turtles 3 are abundant, and I really shouldn’t waste my time trying to list them all… But I will list my top 3 complaints with this movie.

1. Thiers no story. Most movies have these things called story development, plot, interesting characters, memorable scenes, this movie just has jokes. Bad jokes at that “Help Im a turtle and I can’t get up” See wasn’t that annoying? Imagine in the middle of my review I just “I think I just swallowed a frog, Hope it wasn’t an ancestor” started putting up quotes from the movie. Imagine if I attempted to list all of the awful awful jokes that this movie forces onto its viewers. However Im getting away from my point “Wet willy time” The story of this movie revolves around April purchasing the turtles pointless gifts while she was at the dump, and one of the gifts being a mystical magical relic that can transport anyone through time as long as the person in the past is also holding the relic and has a similar body mass as the person holding it during the present. Why that was at the dump? Doesn’t matter. Why it didn’t put her in the past while she was at the dump? Doesn’t matter. How come it only transports people back and forth from the year 1992 to futile Japan? Doesn’t matter. How in the world are their 4 warriors who all have similar mass and weight to four mutant turtles all holding the time relic in the past roughly around the same time that April was sent into the past… again That doesn’t matter. This movie sounds like a story that a three year old made up while board waiting for his family to get their yet. The entire movie is just filled with these it doesn’t matter style coincidences, where people are all just in the same location at the same time with no real explanation as to how these unlikely events unfolded. The movie just kind of flails and kicks around until it gets to its conclusion in which happiness ensues to all who had to suffer through it.

2. My second complaint is the lack of violence. Now yeah I know movies are not all about explosions, car chases, and girls in bikinis, but those things don’t hurt movies. Quite honestly if done correctly can save certain movies from being complete bore fests. Not only did this movie have none of those but it only hosted 3 miserable fight scenes in which two of the turtles never even use their weapons, and one turtle is completely Missing In Action. Growing up I loved the ninja turtles for many reasons… Growing up I loved the ninja turtles for one reason, they were turtles with ninja training meaning nobody could bully’em nobody could mess’em up and for a kid who got bullied frequently I loved seeing the bad guys get their tails kicked. That is just not what you get with this movie. It’s an action film that isn’t aware of what it is.

3. My final complaint lies within the puppets themselves. They just look weird and idk why. All four of the turtles and splinter just look old beat up and slightly demented. I always use to watch the cartoon like how could you run scared of those things they just saved your life, but immediately after seeing the puppets in that movie I understood. Four giant mutant turtles can look horrifying. Its like they took the suits that were in the last two movies ran them over a dump truck, took a huge dump on em and said bigger and better. Just to complain about the actual puppet suits would be too lenient because the animatronics suck terribly. I could honestly put that movie on mute at any scene when the turtles are talking and replace the audio and it wouldn’t matter at all. The mouths move worse than if you were to make a sock puppet. Whoever got paid for that animatronics work is the best hustler in the world, they were truly getting paid for doing nothing. They were better off not having the turtles move their mouths and making up some bull line about how ninja turtles are physic because at certain points not only do the jokes get annoying but it becomes so distracting in how their mouths don’t even attempt to move to match the words to the bad joke.


Ninja turtles 3 is a horrible horrible crapfest of a movie and if you have to suffer through it because you have kids, a weird ninja turtle fanboy as a friend, or a slightly slow room mate here’s how you sit through it.

The movie becomes slightly entertaining if you watch it with the mindset that it’s a series of short YouTube clips. You can think up of whatever theme you like that helps the humor in your head. Mine was pretending that I was watching the ninja turtle version of America’s funniest home videos. I made up fake voices and everything made watching that movie a blast. In the same afv style you could pretend that you’re watching a 89 minute blooper real that should help with the boredom of the movie.

The movie does have some truly funny scenes.

At the beginning of the movie following the pointless chase scene theirs this pointless turtle dance scene, and its hilarious to sit back and watch how little U have to know about ninjistue to perform any of those moves. Matter fact you truly don’t even have to be in shape to pull off half of the things that those turtles do. If you have the movie on DVD every once and a while pause it during this scene and see if anyone in the room can imitate the actions on screen. It’s disturbing how close you can actually get.

Listen to Donatello he is the one that says the most amount of the stupid jokes, but he is also supposed to be the intelligent turtle. All he does through the course of the movie is say a random assortment of intelligent sounded words without actually saying a freaking thing it’s absolutely astounding.

Finally one last scene that should be enough enjoyment to make you not want to murder whomever forced you to watch it is the scene where Michelangelo attempts to rescue a little boy from a burning building. The entirety of this scene is failure. First theirs no explainable way how the flames would not have burned both of them, but that’s from a movie perspective just watch the scene in slow motion. Michelangelo uses the boys head as a battering ram to break open the door, the boys leg is still on fire, and the dummy looks all but lifeless and the turtle pretty much manhandles him. After that he hands the child to his sister and says he’s going to be ok, then a mere seconds later she says the boy has no life in him. Michelangelo was so pumped after rescuing the kid from a burning building that he neglected to even check if the kid was alive. Great hero work mikey great.
All in all ninja turtles 3 is a bad movie I know that U probably new that before reading this but it has a lot of actually entertaining moments; A few intentional, but for the most part accidental. Some movies are just great popcorn flicks. U sit back with a few friends you watch joke around until it’s over and ninja turtles 3 is one of those kinds of movies. You can enjoy it with your kids you can enjoy it with your friends and because this movie has just that smidge of entertainment value I think this movie deserves a 3-5. Watch it, have fun with it, cut it off.